The Zen of Adoption

I just received word that our Dossier has officially been accepted and logged into the CCAA’s system. Our LID (Log-in Date) is October 23, 2007.

This means that I will be traveling to China with all of the other families who were logged in on October 23, 2007 from our agency. We will have time to get to know each other in the next couple years as we wait for our referrals. Hopefully, by the time we travel, it will be like going with friends!

Right now they have referred families who have been logged in as of 11/30/05… so we have a lot of time before our date gets matched. The rumors out there are all over the map, some saying 3 years or more, some saying two years or less… we are just happy at this point to be done with our dossier and having and official LID is something to celebrate!

We’re off to our local Chinese restaurant!

Here is a cool promotional flyer for a new series of Children’s books. The first book should debut in Fall 2007 and it features Lily, an eight-year-old who explores both her Chinese heritage and her American culture. If you’d like to receive notification when these books become available, email Keri at paulkeri@sbcglobal.net.

Since making our decision to adopt from China, two things have entered my radar screen: things that are girly, and all-things asian inspired. So, I was browsing some mommy-run business sites and came upon the most fun thing to happen to bedtime in ages:The inspired designs at Kukunest.

According to their website: Teri Dimalanta and Laura Mameesh were aspiring designers, painters, and photographers in their pre-kukunest lives. Their passion for color design, and several late-night cups of coffee, gave them the inspiration and energy to start kukunest in 2006. Read more about them here.

Their Lantern Festival design immediately caught my eye, and now I’m faced with a dilema… Do I tempt fate and wait until our little one is here with us (some two years hence,) or buy these now and put them away? Decisions, Decisions…

The wonderful women and 5 minutes for Mom are offering a fun give-away: Browse through their site now and pick out your favorite design, because you may be the lucky reader who gets a set of bedding for free!

Yes, Kukunest is generously offering one of you your choice of a bedding set. So, take a look and start dreaming of your child’s new room. Then leave a comment here and let them know if you’d like to be entered.

Half the Sky’s annual auction runs from October 18 to 25th. More than 100 great items will be added to the auction list throughout the day and evening of the 18th. Win a tour of the set of hit TV show, Scrubs! How about a gourmet dinner for 8?! Professional family photos? Author-signed books, artwork, and China treasures galore. See you there!!

I just added a copy of Barefoot Book’s Motherbridge of Love - you can visit the Half-the-Sky auction to see the wonderful items they are offering - or you can go directly to the Motherbridge of Love listing. I’m donating 100% of the winning bid to Half the Sky so if you’ve been meaning to buy this beautiful book, this is a great opportunity to help a worth cause at the same time!

clipped from missionfish.org Half the Sky was created by adoptive parents in order to enrich the lives and enhance the prospects for the children in China who still wait to be adopted, and for those who will spend their childhoods in orphanages. We establish early childhood education, personalized learning and infant nurture programs in state-run Chinese welfare institutions to provide the children stimulation, individual attention, and an active learning environment.Location: Berkeley, CA 94710 Web address: www.halfthesky.org

Creating a beautiful quilt for a baby is a tradition in many cultures, but the thought of making one which includes 100 Good Wishes stiched into every inch is really lovely….

Six Banyans offers a comprehensive, creative, idea filled book to help you create your own Bai Jia Bei, or 100 Good Wishes Quilt!

clipped from www.6banyans.com …honoring an ancient Chinese Tradition Our 100 Good Wishes quilt book provides six creative patterns to showcase the 100 fabrics you collect from family and friends in a 100 Good Wishes quilt swap. We offer designs that are easy enough for the beginning quilter and some challenging ones for the seasoned quilting enthusiast, including: Welcome Home Hunka Hunka Chunks of Love Heartfelt Wishes Especially Four You High Hopes Turtle X-ing An honored tradition from Asia, Bai Jia Bei–the hundred family quilt-has become a favorite way for families waiting to adopt from China to pass the time and welcome their new babies to the family. “100 Good Wishes” offers the opportunity for a circle of friends to use the art of quilt-making.

I had early tutelege in the art of eating with chopsticks. In San Francisco, my wonderful Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Yee, snuck chopstick lessons in between the alphabet and fingerpainting and somehow I retained this skill. I’ve always been proud of my agility, but I’m a little jealous of the chopstick challenged, now that I’ve seen these!

We were browsing around the Paperchase section of Borders last night and found these and couldn’t resist - they are so fun! I might just convieniently forget how to use the regular boring chopsticks…

We just received word today that our Dossier has been translated and is on its way to China. So we are officially DTC (Dossier to China) and it should arrive at the CCAA in China in 3 - 5 days. After all of these months of paperwork, home visits, and notaries it feel wonderful to know that we’ve done everything we can do and that our life stories are on their way to China to intersect with our daughter’s!We reached this little milestone on a day that is already special for another reason, it is my mom’s birthday - Happy Birthday Mom (and Grandma!)

We heard from Kat at CCAI today and our completed Dossier just passed critical review!It is now winging its way to translation. We will be DTC (Dossier to China) within about a week and we expect to be logged in with the CCAA within the next few weeks. China will send us our official log in date (affectionately known as our LID) a couple weeks after that. So our Paperchase has come to an end. It took us about 6 months to reach this point and while I’m very relieved to have finally made it through this process, we did at least feel like we were doing something… Now we just wait.

“The Wait” two of the most dreaded words in the world of China adoption. I couldn’t resist and after months of reading dire predictions and hope-filled delusions about the wait on the various China Adoption message boards out there, I asked Kat what CCAI is currently telling people about the wait. She said very diplomatically, that they aren’t making any predictions, but that they are currently telling prospective adoptive parents that the estimate is 3 years. I don’t know if it will be longer, and can only dream that it might be shorter… but ultimately it is beyond our control. What is within our control is how we spend the next few years: living, preparing, and anticipating…

I just discovered this list which is included in MAPP (Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) training. It is offered in some states when one prepares to become a foster parent.

It’s quite a list. I found it very thought provoking and it made me ponder our reasons for adoption, and for having kids in general. I think I would be equally interested in their take on what the “right” reasons are.

For us, our journey to adopting a child from China was a process that required a lot of research, a lot of soul searching and an honest look at the family we are creating… Granted some of the reasons below are ludicrous, and are probably included more to make a point than suggest that people would put themselves through the adoption process for all of them. However, I’d be lying if I said some of the reasons below don’t play into the complex series of decisions we’ve make in the last few months, but bottom line we want more children and of all of the options out there, adoption is the way we’ve chosen to add to our family.

The following is a list of wrong motives to adopt:

• Because everybody is doing it (children should not be a fad)

• To have someone who will love you back (not every child may want to reciprocate your love and affection-initially anyway)

• Your biological clock is ticking (not good motivation for adoption)

• You want some company (adopt a dog!)

• Because you feel sorry for the child or want to rescue them (feeling any sense of indebtedness is not fair to a child who did not ask to be in the position they are)

• You could really use another person to help out around the house (hire a housekeeper!)

• A playmate for your other children (baby-sit or do more play-dates)

• Because children from ______ are so cute (may be cute, but cute is not a good reason to adopt)

• If I can’t have a child biologically, I guess I’ll settle for adoption (adoption is not second best, it’s just a different path-and it’s not easy)

• A child will bring my spouse and I closer (might be true, but will likely cause more tension and less one-on-one time together; not good for a struggling marriage)

• I need someone to pass on the family name (poor reason to adopt)

• I’ll start the adoption process and hopefully my husband will come around (it takes the full cooperation of both in the relationship to do this otherwise it is likely to cause great tension in the marriage)

• Love will cure any problem a child may have and I have a lot love to give (unfortunately no amount of love in this world can help some children; though patience, proper advocacy and empathy can help)

• Tired of watching other women have babies (not a good reason to adopt; children who are adopted often have very unique special needs that require a lot of devotion)

• Could use some extra income (some special needs adoptions provide subsidy to cover a child’s extra care needs; often the subsidy does not meet all the expenses of the child)

• You want someone to leave an inheritance to (donate to a worthy charitable organization)

• You think you’ll gain respect and status of sainthood (this is a purely selfish motive; likely you’ll feel more like a servant than anything high and mighty)

• I need a reason to get up in the morning (program your coffee maker; with children there are likely to be days when you don’t feel like getting up in the morning)

• A big tax write off (while this is a bonus, your children will likely cost you more than you’ll get back from your taxes)

• To make me feel complete (you really ought to feel complete before you adopt)

• To have someone to care for you in your old age (children don’t always outlive their parents; it’s terribly sad to hear such expectations being placed on a child; start saving for your future now)