The Zen of Adoption

Alex started 1st grade today! A day late due to Hurricane Fay, but after an extra day of summer, the school year is officially underway.  Our first day of school tradition of is to head to our local diner for a hearty breakfast.

Alex, 1st day of school breakfast 2008

(Big Brother)

We’ve made a point to include Alex in discussions about adoption and about our desire for a daughter. He seems to have embraced the idea of a sibling and is even enthusiastic about this sibling being a sister. He refers to our eventual new family member as his baby sister and asks all sorts of questions about her. For a five year old he has a pretty good sense of time and understands that China is not part of our country, or even our continent. He’s facinated by the Great Wall, loves Chinese mythology (especially Dragons) and knows all about Asian Animals (Animals are his passion.) One thing he doesn’t quite comprehend is why I don’t just have another baby in my belly. (He has friends who have younger siblings and know that their mommies had them in their bellies and that that is where he came from.) I tried to explain that sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t and in our case we are going to find a baby who needs us, and will be a part of our family even though she came from another mommy’s belly. He seems to think that is perfectly resonable and I agree with him!

The other day at Target, David and I were looking at shampoo or some other item in the health and beauty section of the store. Alex comes waddling around the corner carring the biggest box of diapers I’ve ever seen and the most adorable asian baby sitting happily on the front. He said proudly, “I think we need to get something like this for my baby sister when we get her.”  I’m sure he saw the diapers and the little girl on the box and it immediately reminded him of what his little sister might look like. David and I laughed and told him he was so right and that he should remind us when it is time for us to go pick her up. The scary thing is I know he’ll remember to do just that!

Alex starts Kindergarten in the Fall which is kind of bitter sweet for me. I’m so excited that he is going to be at the elementary school around the corner from us. He’s just getting so big, so fast. The older he gets, the more I realize that he and his little sister will never share that precious time together at home day-in-day-out that siblings who are close in age often get to experience as toddlers. By the time our daughter arrives, Alex will likely be seven.  I’m sure he’ll be wonderful to his little sister, but I worry that it will hard for him to relate to her. She will also be taking some of our attention away from him - something he has never had to deal with.

I’m sure all of us will face a big adjustment, but David and I chose this, and Alex wasn’t given a say. I guess kids never do have that luxury. Whether or not they have siblings isn’t usually up for a vote.  We’re trying to do everything we can to keep Alex connected to the process, and aware of the long wait that we will have.  I hope that by the time she arrives he will be as happy to see her as I know David and I will be.