The Zen of Adoption

I love the Olympics. The world on display, the competition, the the fun, the idea that for a few weeks everyone can just get along and play. I’ve particularly enjoyed seeing the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. I’ve looked forward to the local interest pieces broadcast between events, seeing these glimpses of China reminds me that we will someday go there and meet the newest member of our family.

I’ve also been very curious about how China will be viewed by the rest of the world after they open their doors and attempt to prove that they are making positive changes. Controversies still swirl regarding China’s treatment of Tibet and subsequent silencing of dissidents, the ages of some of China’s gymnasts, whether the air quality was safe, and the list goes on and on. I can’t help but think that we’re looking for what we want to find… some indication that China is still the oppressive communist country we love to lothe, or perhaps reassurance that China isn’t an emerging world power.  Opinions abound on the real impact these games will have on their image; some say not much has changed, others say everything has.

What I find so significant is that China after centuries of isolationism seems to care what the rest of the world thinks. They truly are stepping into the world spotlight and in doing so took some major risks.  I hope it pays off. China has an opportunity to foster better relations worldwide and that is a positive step politically, and more importantly a positive step for the people of China!

Creating a beautiful quilt for a baby is a tradition in many cultures, but the thought of making one which includes 100 Good Wishes stiched into every inch is really lovely….

Six Banyans offers a comprehensive, creative, idea filled book to help you create your own Bai Jia Bei, or 100 Good Wishes Quilt!

clipped from www.6banyans.com …honoring an ancient Chinese Tradition Our 100 Good Wishes quilt book provides six creative patterns to showcase the 100 fabrics you collect from family and friends in a 100 Good Wishes quilt swap. We offer designs that are easy enough for the beginning quilter and some challenging ones for the seasoned quilting enthusiast, including: Welcome Home Hunka Hunka Chunks of Love Heartfelt Wishes Especially Four You High Hopes Turtle X-ing An honored tradition from Asia, Bai Jia Bei–the hundred family quilt-has become a favorite way for families waiting to adopt from China to pass the time and welcome their new babies to the family. “100 Good Wishes” offers the opportunity for a circle of friends to use the art of quilt-making.

I had early tutelege in the art of eating with chopsticks. In San Francisco, my wonderful Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Yee, snuck chopstick lessons in between the alphabet and fingerpainting and somehow I retained this skill. I’ve always been proud of my agility, but I’m a little jealous of the chopstick challenged, now that I’ve seen these!

We were browsing around the Paperchase section of Borders last night and found these and couldn’t resist - they are so fun! I might just convieniently forget how to use the regular boring chopsticks…

“Once there were two women
who never knew each other.
One you do not know.
The other you call Mother.
Two different lives
shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star;
the other became your sun.”

So begins Motherbridge of Love, a new picture book published by Barefoot Books. With gorgeous illustrations and a touching poem that has been a mainstay in many adoption communities for years, this book is going to have a very special place on our shelves.

When we decided to add a child to our family through international adoption, we talked a lot about how we could raise our daughter to value her Chinese heritage, expose her to Chinese culture, and give her the space and the support to feel connected to her birth parents. Due to the nature of of abandonment laws in China, most children who find their way to one of China’s Social Welfare Institutions, don’t have any information about when they were born, where they are from, or who their parents are. That lack of history worries us, it is something we won’t be able to give her, no matter how much we love her - that is a hard thing for a parent to accept.

From the beginning we are going to tell our daughter what we know about her life before she was placed in our arms… it is a part of her story. Hopefully this openness will help her process the emotions and questions that are inevitable as she grows.

It’s so nice to have a book to share with a child as a starting point for conversation, exploration, and understanding… I’m thrilled that Barefoot Books has provided the book, we’ll be sure to create the opportunities to share this with our daughter.

To learn more or to order please visit: Motherbridge of Love on Barefoot’s website.

So our little girl, who will be from China, will also share our last name… Doll.

I know… she will endure a lifetime of being referred to as a “China Doll” which is actually viewed by many adoptive parents of children from China as a derogatory label. It is objected to for a lot of reasons, but mainly because it objectifies our daughters and plays into some of the most common stereotypes people have of Asian women as being little and delicate, and beautiful. None of those things are necessarily bad, but it places unrealistic expectations on young girls to be a perfect little porcelain toy. It is probably too much to hope that we’ll avoid the “China Doll” references. We definitely understand that most people will not intend to foist that sterotype onto our daughter’s shoulders when they good-naturedly point out the obvious play on our last name.

Despite all of this, I am looking forward to having actual dolls in our house. We are a liberated couple and our son Alex had a baby doll which was given to him by his Grandma, because according to her, “even little boys need baby dolls to nurture.”

I tend to agree, but Alex didn’t. If you know him, you know that he has a one track mind and it leads straight to the zoo. This baby doll, though obviously a mammal… did not have enough hair, nor did it frequent wild enough habitats. As far as Alex was concerned this baby doll could take it’s promise of a bi-pedal gait and find a kid who appreciates opposable thumbs in his playthings.

So perhaps our daughter will inherit the nameless baby doll her older brother didn’t appreciate, or maybe she’ll want a doll of her own, that looks like her. I started looking around to scout out some of our options. There are a lot of dolls out there, some have features that would be considered asian, some are well made, but very few were both.

One brand of dolls, I was keen to check out was the American Girl empire. They feature smart, brave, well-accessorized girls from various historical settings and nationalities who live through exciting times, have many adventures and get new hair-dos several times a day from their little human caretakers.

American Girl hit the scene when I was around 12… making me just a little too old for my mom to justify even pretending that I would play with one. They are beautiful dolls, created by an innovative entrepreneur, who happened to be a mom, and what made them different, was that they came with books which gave each doll a place in history, a personality, and values that today’s little girls could relate to.

Then they sold out… in a big way, moving away from the educational, wholesome, historically sound stories to more modern sassy girls with trendier clothing and wardrobes that would put a pop diva’s to shame. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not as bad as Bratz, but Mattel has a way of following the money and American Girls quickly evolved into younger, less developed Barbies.

American Girl just announced that they are finally going to offer an Asian doll and thinking that I might look past their obvious corporate mis-steps, I went to check out her details. Well, she is just a side-kick, not really a full-fledged American Girl, which would be fine, except it looks like they took one of their Caucasian dolls, tinted her skin, and gave her black hair. Nothing about her features, in any way, lets on that she is Chinese. Very disappointing.
Then I discovered a doll that gave me hope. I was browsing around and stumbled upon Karito Kids. Owned by KidsGive, A great company started by two moms in 2005. KidsGive’s Karito Kids dolls are definitely modern, but they come from various countries around the world and Ling, their Chinese doll is lovely. I read through everything I could about this company and I like what I’ve seen so far - They have partnered with a wonderful charitable organization Plan USA and 3% of every purchase goes to them to help Kids around the world.

If our daughter happens to like dolls and wants one that reflects the beauty of her own Chinese heritage, this is one that I would consider, and as a bonus it has been created by a company I’d like to support.

(Did you take notes Grandma?)

Putumayo can always be trusted to compile the most unique, engaging collections of music from around the world, regardless of the theme, and they’ve done it again with the enchanting Asian Dreamland.  We’ve been playing this non-stop in the car. Our favorite track: 4. Cradle Song by Zulya, which Alex affectionately refers to as “Ellie Bellie” (which means something in khazik, but is just funny to Alex.) To hear a bit of this catchy tune click here.

I find the selection a little heavily weighted to songs originating in Japan, but each one is beautiful and I love that they include an idea of what the songs are about.

One surprise was track 2. Dokokade Yoruga Naita by Emme, it features Japanese lyrics set to a traditional celtic tune - I recognized it in the first 15 seconds, what a cool cultural-fusion!

If you want to sing along with Alex to “Ellie Bellie” too? you can find Asian Dreamland here!

I’m surrounded with boys. No sisters, no daughters, just brothers, a husband, a son and male Chocolate Lab. Alas, there is not much pink in my life. So it is no wonder that I’m a just a tad obsessed with little girl clothing and accessories.

I discovered these booties on Little Buddah Baby and cannot believe that such cuteness exists! They remind me of my most favorite childhood pair of pajamas ever. They were from China town in San Fransico and were a dark teal silk set with long bottoms and a short sleeved top. I can remember sliding off of pretty much any surface I would sit or lay on., but I loved them.

I love these slippers too!

According to Little Buddah Baby’s site: In Asian cultures, it was once a rite of passage for little girls to receive their first pair of silk slippers. Inspired by that tradition, these baby mary jane slippers are handmade from Asian brocade in a dragonfly or butterfly pattern and are sure to be beautiful on your baby’s feet. They are available in 0 - 6 months so I’m not sure if our daughter would get much wear out of them (most children adopted from China are between 7 - 18 months old (though occassionally there are some a little younger and a lot older.) Now if only I could find these in my size!

A Message from: Love Without Boundaries“Born in my Heart” Committee

In every orphanage in China, children in need of heart surgery wait.Four years ago, Love Without Boundaries began their “Born in MyHeart” fundraiser as a tribute to the miracle of adoption and toraise funds for these essential operations. You can truly save thelife of a child by taking part from May 18-23. Every penny raisedwill help to heal a precious child, giving them the opportunity togrow and thrive, and perhaps even find a family of their very own. So please bid often and bid generously! Items will be addedthroughout the day on Friday, May 18th and the fundraiser will endWednesday, May 23rd when the final item closes. This year we have approximately 250 amazing items, all donated byour fabulous supporters! Just a few of the items you won’t want tomiss are: an autographed guitar from Steven Curtis Chapman, THREE giclee prints of “Bengbu Girl”…an incredible oil painting createdespecially for LWB by Zhao Kailin, a life-size Terra Cotta Warriorstatue from Xian, several personalized custom lifebooks, beautifulwatercolors, acrylics and oil paintings, collection-edition dolls,custom adoption videos, a stunning array of quilts includingseveral “100 Good Wishes” quilts, photography, gift baskets,jewelry, paintings by Chinese orphans, clothing, heritage items, andso much more!

You will be able to access the fundraiser from the Love Without Boundaries website homepage at: www.lovewithoutboundaries.com

Please help us to make this year’sfundraiser our best ever!

Our Chinese Daughters Foundation, Inc. was founded in 1995 by Dr. Jane Liedtke as a non-profit Foundation with the desire to support families who have adopted children from China. A main focus of the Foundation has been bringing Chinese culture and heritage to adoptive families.

Chinese Culture Tours - programs to provide hands-on
experiential learning for children from China. Chinese Culture Camps sponsored by OCDF began in 1996 at Illinois State University and extended to China in 1999. We’ve grown from 23 persons to 650 persons in 2006.OCDF Adoption - OCDF will now facilitate and serve in the China adoption process for 10 US licensed agencies..For information: www.ocdf.org/adoption or Ross@ocdf.org

OCDF Orphan Support Projects enable families and individuals to easily donate care packages to orphans or sponsor orphans for school. In addition, special projects support unique needs of orphans across China including Coal for Kids and Building on Dreams projects.

OCDF Institute - seminars and workshops for adults and “Learn and Play” programs for children on a wide variety of topics related to China, Chinese culture, literature & music, history, and language.

Annual Grant Program - each year grant(s) are awarded by the Foundation to local/regional adoption support groups for their initiatives in support of Chinese culture/heritage programs. Grants have been awarded for 8 years.

Publications - the OCDF Newsletter is published quarterly and brings stories about adoption, real life stories and situations in China from modern news sources, Chinese culture information, and resources for adoptive families. We have two published books: New American Families: Chinese Daughters and their Single Mothers was publishedin 1996 and Finding Happiness was published in 2005. Both are collections of stories written by single mothers about the adoption of their daughter(s). A portion of the proceeds from that publication go to our scholarship fund.

OCDF Magazine - China for Children Magazine is a quarterly publication for Chinese children growing up in English speaking households. It brings art, history, culture, science and technology, music, and language through stories and activities.

OCDF Academic Connections - placement of universitystudents in internships in Beijing, China.

It has been raining a lot over the last few days. We spent a lot of time indoors, which resulted in lots of time online. I came across a fun shopping site China Sprout

According to their website:

ChinaSprout provides Chinese cultural and educational products to anyone with an interest in Chinese culture. Our products include Chinese books, Chinese music, Chinese arts & crafts, Chinese home decor, toys, Chinese clothing, such as Chinese silk dresses, Chinese pajamas, Chinese qipaos, Chinese jewelry, and much more. We support institutions, such as schools and libraries, that serve children and students learning the Chinese language as well as stores and boutiques that are interested in the Asian culture and promote Asian lifestyles.

I’m really excited about their books and arts and crafts section. I’m sure we will be loyal customers throughout our adoption journey. I already have several things on my wishlist for Alex including:

The Sons of the Dragon King

The Dragon King has sent his nine sons out to find their places in the world, but rumors abound — each son is apparently as aimless as the next! One son does nothing but stare into space, another spends his day frolicking in a stream, another plays with fire, and still another hollers and yells from noon till night. The king realizes it’s time to visit each son to see if the rumors are true. What he finds surprises him, for each son has a very special gift that continues to serve and enrich China’s culture to this very day. Two-time Caldecott winner Ed Young brings us a legend of a very special parent recognizing the potential in his very special children, and in doing so, shows how a simple folktale shaped a visible part of Chinese culture. Ages 4 - 8.

Big Bird in China (DVD)

Big Bird’s desire to find the legendary Chinese phoenix leads him and Barkley the Dog to an exciting adventure in China. Along the way they visit with Chinese schoolchildren, watch a Tai Ji demonstration, learn some Chinese words and songs, and meet the mischievous Monkey King. As Big Bird learns about China’s unique culture, he also discovers the joy of making new friends.